Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Squirrel Suicides



Every once in a while something happens that is just weird. Must be a sign of the end of the world when soft furry woodland creatures off themselves in your own home. The first occasion of earthly departure caught me totally off guard.  I opened the door to my studio bathroom and nearly had an aneurysm to find Rocky floating face down in the commode. It's not every day you find wild animals inside your home, and my mind ran rampant imagining the scenarios. Was it a dare? Some twisted squirrel hazing ritual? Just do a 100 meter breaststroke in the can and you're in the gang. Or maybe a Hey, Bullwinkle, watch me pull a rabbit out of... well, you know. Needless to say, the ratlike feeling of his stiff corpse was a little disturbing as I fished it out of the drink, rigor mortis and all. I though that was the end of it until a couple weeks later. I went into the studio and found several things knocked over. I thought it a bit strange, but the kicker was when I found my soap dispenser and one of my 1960's vintage Hire's Root Beer bottles tipped over in the sink (glad it didn't shatter). I started looking around and discovered a trail of tiny cadmium red footprints leading from my palette over to the window. Rocky II was hanging dead in the shredded blinds. He apparently went all wood chipper in an attempt to get out and then noosed himself, poor cadmium smeared face and all. I think maybe it was another truth or dare stunt gone wrong. The squirrel gangs need to rethink their induction strategies. Either that or he simply went psycho after ingesting too much toxic heavy metal.They have those warnings on the paint tubes for a reason you know. Had I though about it at the time, I would have made a video of the carnage. Imagine the hits on Youtube. Alas, you will have to be satisfied with my rendition of Rocky I taking a  nap face down in the pot. Still have no idea how they got inside. See, I told you rodent demise stories were awesome!

3 comments:

Brandi said...

That was very entertaining Greg. I liked the Bulwinkle watch me pull a rabbit out of... It is very odd all of the squirrels that find their way into your studio meet such weird demises! It definitly makes for interesting blogs.

Will Strong said...

Who needs fiction when life is this weird?

Greg Newbold said...

Strange- no doubt about it. Critters are goofy, just wish they would stay outside